He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
