His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
