Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
