My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
