I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
