Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
