I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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