she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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