this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
