Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
