went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
