Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
