fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
