It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
