I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
