everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
