it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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