I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
