Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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