Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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