I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
