I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
