i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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