you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
