so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
