True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
