Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
