Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
