I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
