he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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