We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
