it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I could have mohawked her pubes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
