I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
