first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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