He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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