and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
