these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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