I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize