I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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