he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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