I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
