I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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