Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
