Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
