I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
