D3 body, D1 cock
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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