You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
