i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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