I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So vagazzling was a success
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