even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
sarcasm needs its own font
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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