If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
