that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
