i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
