Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
