we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I deserve this hangover.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
