Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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