U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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