it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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