I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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