I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize