There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
