I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
