I accidentally burped into my bong.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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