He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i've created a new STD.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
