In the future we'll all be gay
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
