He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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