dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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