is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
