he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize