The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
