Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My balls are so social today.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
