Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize