well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
