i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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