dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
