Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
