It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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