so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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