you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
