my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
