btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
