you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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