how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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